Facebook Fridays: What I Learned While Restricting Social Media to 1 Day Per Week

I spend too much time on social media, and I’m not alone. The average adult spends between two and three hours on the platforms every day. In a quest for productivity, I decided to limit my Facebook use to Fridays. Here’s what I learned.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

I spend too much time on social media, and I’m not alone. The average adult spends between two and three hours on the platforms every day. Teenagers spend between five and seven hours a day scrolling through their phones or laptops.

Before this month, I estimated my usage at well below those benchmarks. I only use Facebook, and I thought I only spent between 30-45 minutes a day using it. Given the above statistics, however, I suspected I was underestimating how much time I wasted. In a quest for productivity, I decided to limit my Facebook use to Fridays. Here’s what I learned.  

Mental Health

I’ve heard Twitter described as “a virtual insane asylum.” My brief experience with the platform confirms that. When I stopped using Twitter, my mental health improved dramatically. I hoped to see further improvements when I restricted my Facebook use, but what I found surprised me.

I considered myself a light-moderate Facebook user, but I was shocked how instinctual it was for me log in. I automatically clicked the bookmark and scrambled to close the tab before the page loaded. My first Facebook-free week, I became frustrated with my restrictions, and fighting the temptation took significant effort. When Friday finally rolled around, I spent over an hour scrolling through everything I’d missed, and my husband reports I was more easily upset by people’s inflammatory posts.

As the month went on, Facebook gradually lost its grip on my psyche. I no longer logged in by instinct, and I didn’t feel the compulsion to share every mildly interesting article I read. On Fridays, I usually decided it wasn’t worth my time to catch up on everything I’d missed. I enjoyed feeling back in control of my own head, but they were some downsides.

I belong to several hobby groups on Facebook, and I missed being able to ask for tips whenever I wanted. I also missed a couple social events because I hadn’t seen the posts in time. My nieces’ birthday (all three of them share the same date) came, and I confess I snuck some late-Thursday looks at their pictures (Thursday night rounds up to Friday, right?). The ultimate purpose of social media is social connection, and I missed that aspect of Facebook.


I expected restricting Facebook would open a vast swath of new productive time, but it didn’t. As it turns out, I only use Facebook when I’m braindead and need a break. Instead of using Facebook, I started watching YouTube or taking naps. Scrolling through my newsfeed only took about ten minutes, but my replacement behaviors wasted far more time. I ended up being less productive when I restricted my Facebook use.

I ended up being less productive when I restricted my Facebook use.

Facebook’s Tactics

One of the biggest surprises was how aggressively Facebook pursued me after I stopped using it daily. They started sending me emails every time someone messaged me, even though I eliminated email notifications in the settings. The same occurred with in-app notifications. I set Facebook to notify me only if someone replies to something I’ve posted, if I’m not posting anything, I shouldn’t receive any notifications. As soon as I restricted my use to Fridays, however, they started notifying me about everything. Every time someone posted in a group or added a picture, the little bell would increase like the line at the DMV. Fridays inundated me with notifications I hadn’t asked for.  

In short, Facebook behaved like an ex-boyfriend who wouldn’t stop texting me asking to get back together.

Facebook behaved like an ex-boyfriend who wouldn’t stop texting me asking to get back together.

This shouldn’t have surprised me. After all, Facebook monetizes its users’ attention. If you’re not attending, they’re not making money. Encouraging people to re-engage when their behavior changes is good business. I knew that before this month, but to experience it personally left a sour taste in my mouth. I thought I was restricting my use of Facebook, but I was really restricting Facebook’s use of me, and they were not happy about it.

I thought I was restricting my use of Facebook, but I was really restricting Facebook’s use of me


My month-long restriction of Facebook led me to the following conclusions:

  1. Checking Facebook was an unhealthy instinct even for me, a light-moderate user with less than 100 friends.
  2. Facebook is a waste of time.
  3. When denied access to Facebook, I will waste even more time in other ways.
  4. Though restricting Facebook led to some improvements in my mental health, I missed the positive aspects of virtual connection.
  5. Facebook has motives of its own. It doesn’t concern itself with my wellbeing, but it aggressively pursues what’s best for its bottom line.

I thought at the end of this month I would have discovered such vast improvements in mental health and productivity that I would quit Facebook like I did Twitter. My actual conclusions are more mixed. Limiting social media definitely benefitted me, but I think there is room for a healthy balance. What that balance looks like, I’m not sure, but this experiment gave me helpful insights in determining a way forward.

Book Review: Home Front

I read this book eight years after it was published and fifteen years after it was set, but I still feel its themes are relevant today.

Home Front by Kristin Hannah

I read this book eight years after it was published and fifteen years after it was set. For me, the most interesting part was reflecting on how much has changed in American culture since then.

Cover Description

“Like many couples, Michael and Jolene Zarkades have to face the pressures of everyday life—children, careers, bills, chores—even as their twelve-year marriage is falling apart. Then an unexpected deployment sends Jolene deep into harm’s way and leaves defense attorney Michael at home, unaccustomed to being a single parent to their two girls. As a mother, it agonizes Jolene to leave her family, but as a soldier she has always understood the true meaning of duty. In her letters home, she paints a rose-colored version of her life on the front lines, shielding her family from the truth. But war will change Jolene in ways that none of them could have foreseen. When tragedy strikes, Michael must face his darkest fear and fight a batter of his own—for everything that matters to his family.”


So many books aim for a “strong female lead” by putting breasts on a masculine character, but Jolene has a refreshingly feminine strength. As a mother, her number one priority is her daughters. She takes on a great emotional toll to spare them pain, and she sacrifices her personal preferences to keep the family running. She is strong, yet vulnerable, feeling intense emotions even as she perseveres through her trials. Jolene is three-dimensional, a shining example resilience.

Including Michael’s perspective prevents the reader from picking sides in their marital disputes. He is flawed, and his struggle with being Mr. Mom resonates with anyone who has ever worked with children. My one critique is that by the end of the book, he seemed too perfect. I have serious doubts that a man would be so persistent given Jolene’s repeated refusal of reconciliation.

Would I have said that had I read the book in 2012 when it was published? Has my opinion of people declined so much? I’m not sure. It seems to me the more “connected” we are through technology, the shorter our attention spans, and the less effort we are willing to put into our relationships. Jolene and Michael’s marriage is an example of love as a choice, of the extensive hard work needed to last until death do us part. Call me a cynic, but I don’t see that kind of love very often in times where a minor disagreement will lead to “unfriending.” Reading this book makes be think we could all use a dose of the past.


The story falls into two parts: Jolene’s deployment and her adjustment to coming home. Interspersed are Michael’s struggles as a functionally single parent. The central conflict is Jolene being deployed to Iraq, and Michael’s lack of support for her. For me, it was interesting to reflect on what dominated the headlines back then compared fills our screens now.

Overall, the plot is well-paced, somewhat predictable, but that isn’t a bad thing in a character-driven novel. I enjoyed watching Jolene and Michael grow as individuals and as a couple.

Writing Style

Hannah’s descriptions are evocative without being too high-brow. She has a talent for showing the passage of time via small things—flowers blooming, weather patterns, characters growing accustomed to their new surroundings. Her prose is clear and easy to read without lacking substance.


I read this book long after it was published, but I still found it relevant. The themes of reconciliation, supporting your spouse despite disagreements, love as a choice, and coming home both mentally and physically are as pertinent today as they were in 2012.

The story draws attention to mental health in a relatable way that is both encouraging and discouraging. Encouraging because we have made great strides in PTSD research and management since this book was set. Discouraging because so much stigma still surrounds mental health, even though increased isolation and false-faced social media have led to an even greater need to destroy that stigma.


As usual, you can’t go wrong with a book by Kristin Hannah. With her characteristic clear and beautiful writing style, Hannah explores the intimate landscape of human relationships. The themes of this moving story continue to speak to the heart.

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Book Review: Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

This one has languished on my to-read list for too long, so I was thrilled when the library had a copy available. I can see why this debut novel received so much attention, and why it is soon to be a motion picture.

Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman

This one languished on my to-read list for too long, so I was thrilled when the library had a copy available.

Cover Description

No one’s ever told Eleanor that life should be better than fine.

“Meet Eleanor Oliphant: She struggles with appropriate social skills and tends to say exactly what she’s thinking. Nothing is missing in her carefully timetabled life of avoiding social interactions, where weekends are punctuated by frozen pizza, vodka, and phone chats with Mummy.

“But everything changes when Eleanor meets Raymond, the bumbling and deeply unhygienic IT guy from her office. When she and Raymond together save Sammy, an elderly gentleman who has fallen on the sidewalk, the three become the kinds of friends who rescue one another from the lives of isolation they have each been living. And it is Raymond’s big heart that will ultimately help Eleanor find the way to repair her own profoundly damaged one.”


Eleanor Oliphant is a social sore thumb reminiscent of Ove in one of my favorite novels, A Man Called Ove. Honeyman brings her protagonist’s voice to life vividly, and she doesn’t shy away from poking fun at the conventions we consider “normal.” Spending time with Eleanor and her new misfit friends is delightful, a refreshing look at friendship.

Eleanor’s backstory is much darker than the description implies, but it adds to Eleanor’s humanity and leaves her with plenty of room to grow.


The plot follows Eleanor as she becomes infatuated with a musician she’s never met and tries to change herself so he will fall in love with her. Along the way, she and Raymond save an elderly man’s life, and Eleanor finds herself straddling two new worlds: the musician’s—which she longs to enter—and Raymond’s, into which she is thrust unawares. Having spent most of her life lonely, the choice is overwhelming. Along the way, she learns about herself, her past, and her capacity for friendship.

Overall, the plot moves at a glacial pace with the author sprinkling tidbits of Eleanor’s backstory throughout mundane scenes—most often, a lunch date. If you are the type of reader who needs quick-paced action sequences, this book is not for you, but I enjoyed Eleanor’s lengthy descriptions of her surroundings and circumstances. The joy of reading this story is being immersed in Eleanor’s unique perspective.

Writing Style

Honeyman’s great strength is capturing Eleanor’s quirks on the page and immersing the reader in her perspective. The prose overflowed with details and sophisticated vocabulary, and was a little superior in tone, just like Eleanor. The description is so thorough that I didn’t care about the plot. I just enjoyed experiencing the world through Eleanor’s eyes.


In contemporary fiction, I enjoy books with strong themes, and Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine did not disappoint. Themes of loneliness, friendship, and healing from past trauma permeated the prose. I like that the author thought to include these struggles in a relatively young protagonist—Eleanor is only thirty—and that none of her coworkers suspected. We often think of the elderly when we discuss loneliness, but even in the age of social media—and sometimes because of it—young people also experience a dearth of human contact and affection. Eleanor’s story shines a non-judgmental light on mental illness and provides a hopeful portrayal of treatment.


I can see why this debut novel received so much attention, and why it is soon to be a motion picture. Eleanor’s quirky personality colliding with Raymond’s gentle nature provides everything necessary for an entertaining story. Their unconventional friendship demonstrates the power of simple kindness and gives hope for a world in which loneliness is a bigger problem than ever.

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Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine

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No review needed. A Man Called Ove is one of my all-time favorite books.

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Author Q & A: B.A. Bellec

I had the privilege of connecting with author B.A. Bellec last month after reading his book Someone’s Story. He graciously agreed to answer a few questions for my readers.

What motivated you to write Someone’s Story? What made you decide to take a deeper dive into an often misunderstood mental health condition, especially with regard to the twist at the end (no spoilers please)?

Someone’s Story started as a journal for personal therapy. I was frustrated with a few things in my life and career. Writing was a way for me to process that better. The twist you are referring to was inspired by two people. My friend had an incident that resulted in him spending some time in care. I also had an aunt diagnosed with the condition from my book.

What prompted the decision to leave the protagonist named Someone?

The backstory behind this is that it started as a journal. After a few months, I started to make it fiction. I didn’t bother to name the character. In my head, it was always me. I just started referring to the character as Someone and kept writing. It stuck, and when I shared it with early readers I was considering changing it at that time. Most of my early feedback was that the story was unique in the way I don’t describe the main character or even name him. It makes it feel like you are in the story more. As I closed in on submitting my final copy I thought about changing it again, but so glad I trusted in those early readers and kept it. Proud of this unique feature to my little piece of art.

I am fascinated by the dual personalities of Erica-the shaman and the student. Can you talk a little bit about developing her character, as well as your decision to include psychedelics in the story?

Duality is something I saw lots of in the business world. People would come into the office and be all buttoned up and reserved. Then you get them outside the regular 4 walls and this wild animal would come out. The other way I saw it come out was when a person would say something in private and then in the meeting, they act differently and dance around the issue. People are afraid. Afraid to be themselves. They put on this mask every single day to get through because that is what they were trained to do coming up in school.

Erica was a later addition. I actually had Ashley as The Shaman in my first draft but decided there was enough material to break this part out of the Ashley character and create an entirely new person around the concept of duality and psychedelics. In the original version, these parts were muted. Once I broke the character out, I turned the dial up to 11 and wrote the tree chapter that ended up inspiring the cover, which I made with my girlfriend! https://babellec.com/2020/08/21/bonus-blog-5-the-story-behind-the-someones-story-cover-2/

The main reason I included drug use was that psychedelic drugs are known to often have negative impacts on certain issues around mental health. I also am curious about the ritualistic side of the usage. I think the problem we as a society face today is that we have lost that connection. I think back thousands of years where these drugs were used in ceremonies and you had to earn the right. There was often a physical, emotional, and spiritual journey you had to take before you could participate. Now just about anyone can get access and because of this, we have lost a bit of that connection. Anyone curious about the roots of drug use in modern culture, pick up this book: https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B0818QJHKF

What would you say is the theme of the book? What are you hoping readers take away from it?

Overcoming obstacles. In fact, I would argue we have some common ground here. Having finished your book, Out of Ashes (edit: this book has since been republished as The Lies She Wore), I believe we both are fighting with this theme in the back of our minds as we write!

Anything can be an obstacle. A mental health diagnosis. A learning disorder. Poor family life. A breakup. A job. Picking up a new skill. My book is about trying to break through the walls and limits you put on yourself.

The main obstacle for me as a writer was to get over my fear that my spelling and grammar were not good enough. I feel like I am a storyteller, but I don’t write in perfect English. For the longest time that held me back. I was afraid to share this because I thought there would be too many errors. Eventually, I found Grammarly, and that improved my work lots. Then I brought on a pair of editors to help clean up my work more. I also make unique style choices because I didn’t learn writing in a system that told me how I had to do certain things. The other thing I am still struggling with, even on my second book, is past vs present tense. I frequently accidentally shift my tone. This is because I haven’t found my full potential yet. I hope that as I write more this will happen less and less. This is also where I lean on my editors lots.

I heard your next book will be more sci-fi. Why the change in genres?

I never set out to write Someone’s Story. It just popped out. I think Pulse was the story I always wanted to tell. I started thinking about it back when I was in film school years ago. Pulse is big though and Someone’s Story was me learning how to do this on a small scale. Now I have way more tools in my toolkit and I am attacking that film school idea with everything I got.

A few people have asked if I am worried about losing fans from my first book.  Yes, of course, I am. My writing style is still geared towards a young adult audience. I am trying to keep a few younger characters in my writing to keep those fans engaged. I think my prose is easy to read, my formatting is unique, and I like to think I am a genre-bender. Pulse is coming together extremely well, and I can’t wait to put the finishing touches on it over the next few months. There won’t ever be a sequel or prequel to Someone’s Story. It’s a one and done. My next book though, it’s a world builder, and I hope to write a few books in that universe I have crafted. Just check out this creature and song for a tease:


Thanks for taking the time to feature me and if anyone is interested in any of my work, come follow me on your favourite platform from the links below!


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Book Review: Someone’s Story

This thought provoking young adult novel is a poignant portrayal of mental health and the power of friendship.

Someone’s Story by B.A. Bellec

I encountered this book through an author networking site and decided to give it a read.


Someone’s Story is the tale of a teenager who refers to himself as Someone. A new school gives him a clean slate, but also triggers his anxiety. The story follows him as he makes friends, makes mistakes, and makes peace with his own troubled mind.


Someone is a well-rounded character, flawed but growing. His struggles are personal, yet universal, and his journey of perseverance and acceptance is deeply moving. His group of “weirdos” are a fantastic representation of the power of friendship to overcome adversity.

I have mixed feelings about the protagonist referring to himself as Someone, implying that this could happen to anyone. I can see this approach being successful in two different ways. In one sense, the protagonist’s anxiety causes him to avoid attention. His previous struggles with social skills cause him to fear being “that guy.” He wants to be “normal,” but his weirdo friends teach him that nobody is normal.

In an opposite sense, the self-designation of Someone alludes to his goal to “be somebody.” He doesn’t want to disappoint his father, doesn’t want to waste his life. To that end, he pursues challenging goals, starting with running.

Unfortunately, I feel like the author was reaching for both these concepts and caught neither. Neither is sufficiently emphasized to stand out as a central message. Furthermore, the character isn’t generic enough to be just “someone.” For one, he is male. To make it truly generic, the author could have edited out the mild romantic parts. As another point, it isn’t just anybody who becomes a passionate advocate for blonde roast coffee and 90s movies. Lastly, I don’t buy that the friends who got close enough to him to share their deep dark secrets wouldn’t have learned his name. At the very least, a teacher calling attendance would have revealed it. The author could have kept the name a secret from the reader, but implied the other characters knew it. Instead, the protagonist introduces himself to his new friends as Someone, and no one probes the reasoning behind that choice even after getting to know him.

I’m glad the character wasn’t a generic someone. I found my eyes skipping over the dialogue tags to spare my mind from thinking of him that way. I cannot relate to an abstract, generic homo sapien, but I can relate to the narrator’s crusade against the dark roast, even though I myself do not drink caffeine. These details make him human, which makes him relatable. A real name would have helped.

That said, the choice of Someone made me think enough to write five paragraphs. Perhaps that’s the point. This book is nothing if not thought provoking. My head was spinning for hours after finishing it.


I made the mistake of reading reviews before picking up this book. A few of them mentioned the book started off slow. I’m not sure whether I would have come to that conclusion without the priming, but I will say the first third of the story is fairly low drama. Having been raised reading The Lord of the Rings, I don’t mind a slow read, so this wasn’t an issue for me.

The plot follows Someone as he makes the most of his fresh start at a new school. His mental health challenges him, but as he gets closer to his friends, he realizes he isn’t the only “weirdo.” He gets into trouble, makes mistakes, and learns from them like any teenager, though the challenges he faces at the end are well “above the call of duty.” There are some odd scenes involving drugs, but they fit with the overall tone.

Writing Style

I typically abhor the stream-of-consciousness style of narration, but Bellec uses it to spectacular effect. Rather than spewing whatever random observations come to mind, the protagonist’s thoughts are sharp and relevant, just enough to really get into his perspective. The tone in the beginning of the novel is engaging, almost haunting. I quickly found myself tuned to the rhythm of the words.

Books like this are often written from the author’s own experience, which can lead to a lack of continuity as the author fixates on “how it really happened” and lectures the reader on the lessons learned. Not so with Someone’s Story. The story has a compelling structure, and Bellec does a wonderful job weaving the life lessons into the narrative such that the reader learns them alongside the protagonist. Someone makes many profound observations about life, but at no point does the prose read like a self-help book.


For me, the big winner of this novel is its theme. In a world where everyone has 800 Facebook friends but no one to pick them up at the airport, the value of genuine friendship can never be overstated. The protagonist’s goal is to make friends, but he takes it a step further than he ever has by getting to know them beyond a surface level. This enormous risk causes both him and his friends a great deal of pain, but it also teaches him about acceptance, forgiveness, perseverance, and perspective. In the end, these friendships help him overcome his mental health challenges.


This artfully written novel tears down our social media-dominated definition of friendship in favor of a deeper connection by which “weirdos” can band together to overcome adversity. A flawed group of teens, struggling to play with the cards the world dealt them, learn to accept themselves and to support each other as they journey through life’s most awkward phase. The plot progresses slowly through the first third of the book, but the writing style and tone are engaging from page one. While I would have preferred a named character, the protagonist’s self-designation as “Someone” is thought provoking. His struggles with mental health serve as a poignant demonstration of strength growing from vulnerability. Overall, this insightful story is a shining example of perseverance and the power of friendship.

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Book Review: The Impossible Knife of Memory

For those who seek a deeply emotional and inspiring experience, I highly recommend.

Cover Description

For the past five years, Hayley Kincaid and her father, Andy, have been on the road, never staying long in one place as he struggles to escape the demons that have tortured him since his return from Iraq. Now they are back in the town where he grew up so Hayley can attend school. Perhaps, for the first time, Hayley can have a normal life, put aside her own painful memories, even have a relationship with Finn, the hot guy who obviously likes her but is hiding secrets of his own. Will being back home help Andy’s PTSD, or will his terrible memories drag him to the edge of hell, and drugs push him over?” — Amazon Description *

Characters and Plot

As a Minnesota-nice, passive-aggressive people pleaser, I find it difficult to empathize with rebel protagonists. The love story subplot—bitter girl surrounds her heart with walls as thick as they are high; persistent nice guy breaks through them—is one I’ve seen before, most recently in A Very Large Expanse of Sea by Tahereh Mafi**.

However, Laurie Halse Anderson (LHA) creates empathy for Hayley more effectively than Mafi does for Shirin. While I initially found Hayley’s attitude off-putting, she and Finn were so “adorkable” I couldn’t help rooting for them.

As part of my graduate schooling, I had the privilege to train in the Minneapolis VA Hospital. The VA provided counseling for PTSD along with occupational, physical, and speech therapy. The experience gave me a profound respect for the men and women who serve our country, and a deeper understanding of the effects of that service on the body and the mind. If you would like to learn more, I recommend reading Once a Warrior—Always a Warrior by Charles Hoge.

LHA depicts PTSD with heart-wrenching realism. Hayley constantly evaluates her dad for signs of flashbacks. The story line dives into dark moments of violence, but pops up for a breath of hope often enough to make the reader cry out when it doesn’t last. Between the “adorkable” love story and the progressive intensity of the PTSD, the story is more than an emotional rollercoaster; it’s a race through a zero-gravity obstacle course where the reader is the passenger and the pilot is blindfolded.

More than an emotional rollercoaster; it’s a race through a zero-gravity obstacle course at Warp 9, where the reader is the passenger and the pilot is blindfolded. #TheImpossibleKnifeofMemory

My only critique is that the author explains Hayley’s fear of water, but doesn’t divulge the history behind her hatred of the mall. One scene suggests she’s claustrophobic, but I would like to know more.

Writing Style

LHA’s writing style is the opposite of my own. I gravitate towards long sentences that flow across the page. Her prose is punchy and precise. No word joins the others without first proving its worth.

Her unique descriptions characterize her protagonist well. For example, she describes one of Hayley’s classmates as “the same size and shape as a porta potty.” The witty repartee between Hayley in Finn is what won me to Hayley’s side. It was as though they belonged to a linguistic genre all their own.

In short, LHA’s writing is masterful. She could write about people watching paint dry, and I would read 1,000 pages.

Laurie Halse Anderson’s writing is masterful. She could write about people watching paint dry, and I would read 1,000 pages. @halseanderson


Given the subject, this book is not for readers who want to curl up on the couch with a mug of hot chocolate and eat Christmas cookies. For those who seek a deeply emotional and inspiring experience, I highly recommend.

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The Impossible Knife of Memory

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**A Very Large Expanse of Sea is a good depiction of the fickleness of high school and the arbitrariness of popularity.